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How to Break the Habit of Self-Doubt and Build Real Confidence

Lesson 5 of 16

How to Develop Self-Confidence

Mel Robbins

How to Break the Habit of Self-Doubt and Build Real Confidence

Mel Robbins

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Lesson Info

5. How to Develop Self-Confidence
Mel discusses the confidence competency loop: when you try something new, you will either succeed or survive. Both success AND failure show you how to develop self-confidence.

Lesson Info

How to Develop Self-Confidence

So, how do you build it? So, there's been a tremendous amount of research about confidence, and how you build it. I know we all want more of it, but how do you build it? So, all of the research points to this, something called the Confidence Competency Loop. And I'm gonna show it to you in just a second. The Confidence Competency Loop. Anybody wanna take a guess at what that means? No worry, there's no stupid answers, go for it. Preparation? Yep, preparation. Good, anybody else? Shout it out. Practice. Practice, what else, yes? Consistency. Consistency, anyone else? Failure. Fail-- Excellent. I didn't hear it. She said failure. See, 'cause, what happens in life, is that when you try something new, imposter syndrome, right? So let's build on the imposter syndrome. You try something new, and all of you, this is a new chapter. When I see that kind of witchery, voodoo stuff happen and I walk into a hotel and I get a sign like that, it's like for all of us. (audience chu...

ckles) When you try something new, 'cause I want you to step into that imposter syndrome. I want you to embrace it, it's a good thing. When you try something new, you're going to be terrified. You're going to be nervous. That's normal. You're either going to succeed or you'll survive. 'Cause even if you fail, you're all still sitting here so you're not dead. So, whatever it is that you've gone through, you've survived it. And just like I told you that, you know, look, I had a talk show deal seven years ago that basically went, what's that sort of thing? Brrrrrr, I can't do it. I'm gonna learn how to roll my Rs today. Um, I learned something from that. And we cognitively know this. And see, this is the challenge with these kind of topics. They're heady. We know these things, but how do you get this in your bones? You've had a million people, "Oh, try until you fail." "Oh, failure's a good thing." You know, like, we all say it, it's all over my Instagram feed. It's like, you gotta see it, but how do you get it in you bones? Well, you understand that when you succeed or survive, you learn something. Right? And then when you learn something, you're building a skill. This is just like, remember how in the very beginning of the course, I said I'm gonna teach you how to run you as the equipment. When you first picked up a camera, it was overwhelming. You probably shot some really horrible photos. When you first used Photoshop, when you first did any kind of editing, when you shot your first video. Terrible. When I look at the stuff that I did, just, you know, last year, horrible compared to what we're doin' now. Mortifying that 10 million people have seen that TED Talk. Seriously. Because it's not what I would consider to be my good work, not anymore, because I've built so much more competency. Right? So, when you build skills, you gain competency. And what's interesting is, the more that you master something, whether it's cold-calling, or it's a selling process, or it's negotiating and walking away from deals where they won't pay you $4,000. The more that you gain competency, the lower your anxiety drops. The more your nerves drop, the more your doubt drops 'cause you're learning it. And so, what ends up happening when you have competency is now you've got confidence. Pretty cool, right? So, we talk about this stuff, but understanding that this is only way to build it. You can't think your way to it, and I know a lot of us in the personal development space talk a lot about mindset, and we're gonna get into that. But it doesn't start with mindset. And this is what I want to pound into your brains. Yes, thinking positive helps a lot. But confidence and self-doubt, they really, breaking the cycle starts with action. That's what it starts with. You cannot positively think your way through the kind of emotional angst that Hector's putting himself through, not gonna work. But if he sees himself acting differently, he's gonna change. That's why this is my definition for confidence. It's the decision to try. You just saw in that model, when you try, you succeed or survive. You then learn something. As you learn something, you build skills. As you build skills, you gain competency. And that's what gives you confidence. It all begins with the willingness to try. That's where it begins. And so, if I can teach you to do anything, it's to understand that. It's to understand that in those moments, in those moments where the emotions rise up, the feelings rise up, you feel yourself shrinking, that you know you have a choice. And confidence comes to those people that decide to try in that moment. 'Cause you always have a choice about what you're gonna do.

Class Description

Short on time? This class is available HERE as a Fast Class, exclusively for Creator Pass subscribers. 


  • Use Mel Robbins’ five-second rule to stop negative thoughts and change your life for the better.
  • De-escalate anxiety and agitation.
  • Create mental scripts that help you overcome typical situations that get you into trouble and prevent you from acting.
  • Overcome your mental blocks and change the way you think about things.


Are you plagued by the imposter syndrome—thinking that your accomplishments aren’t real and that you’re secretly a fraud and a failure? Do you have crippling anxiety and bad habits that are ruining your chances of achieving your goals? Does your low self-esteem and negative past experience influence your thought patterns? Do you fall into the trap of self-pity that keeps you from seeing positive outcomes? If so, you’re definitely not alone.

If you want to get over these persistent, sometimes agonizing problems so you can gain a new perspective and make real, positive changes in your life, this course can help you do it. Mel Robbins is one of the most sought-after motivational instructors in the world. She’s been trusted by global brands to design and deliver life-changing, interactive experiences that inspire change, challenge thinking, encourage self-love, and accelerate personal and professional growth.

This class will help you:

  • Understand the science behind how self-doubt effects you.
  • Learn and discover ways to overcome self-doubt and have fewer negative emotions.
  • Build your self-esteem and competency skills.
  • Shed your irrational fears, stop undervaluing yourself, and quiet the inner critic.
  • Get out of your comfort zone, quiet the negative voices, and stop practicing habits of hesitation.
  • Stop hiding, being hypercritical, and feeling helpless so you can move forward and discover the path to achieve your creative endeavors.

Mel will give you concrete, actionable advice and steps you can practice to help you stop living with the constant worry that plagues and cripples your daily life. By showing you how to overcome self-doubt and build self-confidence, Mel will help you build the confidence you need to realize your dreams, whether it’s starting your own business, losing those 15 pounds that are weighing you down, or finding true love from a partner. After this class, you’ll better understand your patterns, what to do to break unhealthy habits, act with courage, self-compassion, and overcome self-doubt so you can get what you want out of life.


  • People from all walks of life, even successful people, who want to overcome the self-doubt and the fear of failure that is holding them back and preventing them from accomplishing their dreams.
  • Those who want to gain more self-confidence so they can go after what they’re worth in their career.
  • People who want to develop stronger, deeper and more meaningful relationships and be their best self.


Michal Levi

Let me start by saying I bought a book of hers and could not get through it. I just tuned in live today out of curiosity.. with low expectations. BUT WOW. THIS WAS FANTASTIC! As someone who teaches professionally (and has won teaching awards), I have to say I was in AWE of what a great teacher she was. Also, while she is not a licensed therapist, which some have complained about, she is so gifted in this area. WOW she has a talent! Watching her with individuals from the audience was moving, informative and inspirational! UTTERLY AWESOME! Truly glad I took the time just in case there was any value to it. THERE WAS IN FACT A LOT OF VALUE! Thanks Mel! Hey, I may even try to pick up that book of yours again. BRAVO!

Go2 Norway

Wow! The science-behind-typical-human-behaviors that fuel self-doubt AND clear ways to understand how to acknowledge those, and move into confidence-through-action. Easy and interesting ways to remember the points! Marvelous presenter skills -- a real model, and inspiration. Actual coaching sessions within the class to make it real. Mel is totally herself, and vulnerabilities become her strength in real-time, which class participants also lived out in real-time as well. Very memorable. And, the explanation of anxiety as a high energy state matching excitement more than calm was significant, as well as the myths about confidence (such as confidence is not about a personality; rather, action). Well organized, made sense, and I will integrate multiple parts daily! THANKS, MEL!!!

Wild Flower Murals

I'm training to be a life coach and have been a public muralist for years. I've been researching creativity, self initiated empowerment and positive psychology from various angles for many years- in hopes to make it accessible to many. I initially came across Mel's book and was wholly impressed by how effective yet simple the 5-4-3-2-1 book was. I am so glad I took this course, it is the best of the best of the best!!!